I hope some day you understand...

Chica-grande,

These last few weeks have been very hard for us. It seems like your wings are growing, and both of us are having a hard time learning how to deal with it. We have some hard days, and we have some good days... Yesterday was a particularly bad one. Something seems to have ruined your mood (which is not hard to do, I must add) at School. You got home gloomy and rebellious. You started arguing about nothing and everything as soon as we got home. Homework was hard, spelling words were impossible to memorize, science was easy and you didn't need to review anything for the quiz. I imagine you were tired and hungry, but so was I.

Days like these make our evenings impossible. I must admit that I am not a patient person and things like these really put me over the edge. I wish I knew how to deal better with these type of situations. I wish I could have a clue about what to say and when to say it. I wish I could help you understand that nothing is as bad as it seems but mainly, I wish I could make you see how smart and loving you are.

There are days that your attitude reminds me of my own. There are days that I regret not being able to control my emotions better. I always hated when my mom screamed for no reason at all, and I seem to have fallen into that same pattern. I can see myself in you, and believe me, it is very hard to see the bad side of me come out of you. I want to guide you, but it seems like I am getting lost in the way, too. I don't want you to think that you are a bad person. I know the feeling all too well, as I had to deal with it as a child, too. I want you to be able to admire the beautiful person inside of you. I want you to be secure, independent, successful but I want you to be happy! There really is no reason for you to be so unhappy, you are a child. You need to smile more. How can I make you smile more?

I know that things will probably get worst before they get better. You are growing up, and it's not easy. I just wish I could make things easier for you. I don't want you to stumble on the same things I did. I don't want you to start believing the things you say. You are smart. You are beautiful. You are funny. You are a great person. I know I can't convince you of this right now, and I know you probably think I am a horrible mom. Believe me honey, I am trying to be better. It is a learning experience for me too. Every day I ask God to grant me the wisdom to guide you and protect you. I want nothing but the best for you, but before you get there, you will probably have to fall a few times.

Seeing you down is not easy, and felling as if I am the one that makes you feel that way is even worse. We have a bumpy road ahead but let's make the best of it. I promise I'll always be here. Just hold my hand and let me guide you...